Invisible No More: How Older Women Are Reclaiming Space

We don't see many older women in the public eye but that is now slowly and surely changing.

  A few days ago, Indian Instagram's current toast (and justifiably so) @thezeenataman wrote a heartfelt post on older women: We see very few older women in the public eye. It's not something I thought about when I was young, but now that I myself am silver-haired, I feel their absence. It's a puzzling phenomenon, simply because older women mould, protect and nurture us in so many ways worthy of celebration. There is just no substitute for the wisdom of experience and years.

Aman wrote about the older women who have anchored her life – from her mother to her friends and stepmother. Her post touched many hearts. People shared about the dadis,  nanis, aunts, nannies, older siblings and friends (even friends' moms) who have touched their lives. 

Aman's post was about the impact of older women in her life, but her observation of their invisibility in the public eye is spot on. Women frequently become invisible as they age, their voices and experiences ignored or dismissed. Despite progress in some areas, older women remain underrepresented in many aspects of life, from media to products to policies.

Until recently, you'd have seen very few beauty or fashion magazine covers with an older woman. But in a small way, there is a change coming, propelled by increasing awareness, and the power of wisdom and economics that many older women hold.

Vogue's April 2023 cover features a striking image of Apo-Whang-Od, a traditional tattoo artist from the Philippines. She's 106 years old. Is it a sign of change? A one-off statement or part of a world rethinking ideals of beauty? We'd like to pin our hopes on the last one.

Women over 50 are consciously or unconsciously resisting invisibility. They own their age, flaunting the changes that come with it while laughing at saggier skin and extra belly fat. Many are working out more than ever and at their fittest best, living their lives exactly as they wish. It does not mean that prejudices have vanished, but it does indicate a long-awaited shift.

Aman is proof of this. She used to be one of Bollywood's sexiest actors. Now she's not afraid to talk about her silver hair or post a photo from a day she wasn't feeling well.

"Being young is wonderful but so is being old. It thrills me to see more and more silver-haired women challenge the status quo," she writes.

  Aman is just as stylish, gorgeous, and sexy walking down London's Bond Street in a trench coat or on the runway as she would've been in the iconic Satyam Shivam Sundaram. She's ageing and showcasing the very best of it, unfiltered and genuine.   

Owning Your Age

Sumita Dutta is in her early 60s, dressed in Western semi-casuals or chic saris. "Very often at a beauty store, the salesperson will not bother to address me unless I request. The idea that an older woman is looking for glam makeup seems alien. When they approach, it's to suggest anti-ageing products that will hide my wrinkles or cover my age. I want to tell them I don't want it covered. I'm happy to flaunt all my wrinkly lines and look good in them!"

Dutta recalls her mother switching to grey and lighter colours when she was in her late 50s. "I come from a Bengali family. Many women of my mother's generation did that, almost a tacit submission to the ageist stereotype that one had to stop dressing up as they aged. So if I showed her bright pink or a shiny blue, she'd say, how can I wear such bright colours at my age? Thankfully there has been a gradual dispelling of such ageist concepts over the years." 

Invisibility can come in many ways. For Dutta's mother, it came with clothing. For some, it can be dating or even thinking of finding someone after a certain age. It is starting a venture against everyone's wishes for some older women. Or learning to dance at 70. 

Why do you need to, is what many of them hear from friends, family and society at large -- why do you need to, at this age?

Of course, many pathbreakers are doing all these and more, but pulling away blankets of conditioning that have stifled some over the years takes strength. 

"There is a clear indication that older women become invisible by their own volition," says Swati Diwakar, a former architect, content creator and Silver Talkies Club member. "And the reason is that they depreciate themselves like an old car. Empty nests, retirement, loss of a spouse, and distancing from children cause a loss of self-worth." Diwakar thinks this small percentage is slowly fading away. "For these women - life has been fashioned around the opinions and feedback of others and not a strong self-identity."

Like Dutta, Diwakar agrees that there is a change already afoot. "Today's 55+ women are taking up the challenge of 'I matter'. It is easier for them because they already have a strong persona built by relevant education, years at a career, travel and awareness of their value. So even though they are past a particular age, the spark shines bright and ignites many a fire! They also do not need a man to stay visible. Girl gangs are a thing now."

Author and conservation enthusiast Katie Bagli could tell you something about sparks shining bright. Or strong girl gangs. She's part of the Save Rani Bagh Botanical Garden Foundation, run by women between 60-80 years old. Rani Bagh is a 160-year-old Botanical Garden in the heart of Mumbai. Bagli and her girl gang are the powerhouses who have ensured its 4000-plus trees haven't faced the construction axe. Their effort has seen the botanical garden get a heritage status. "90 per cent of older women would perhaps not fade away in the eyes of the rest of the world. But there are still some women - about 10 per cent, who tend to become invisible." Bagli is emphatic about the change, "Today's generation of older women have much more access to resources to enable this, which the women of the previous generation did not have."

The Invisibility Pushback

Most older women globally are no longer wearing that invisibility cloak. Actor Michelle Yeoh's post-Oscar-win line – ladies, don't let anyone tell you you're past your prime – is a global catchphrase that many older women had already adopted, Bagli and her Rani Bagh girls included. 

Bagli says most people she has met are empathetic towards senior citizens. "Silver-haired women are definitely respected. Considering these factors, it is natural that 50+ women would want to flaunt their age rather than hide it. Some years back, you would see even women of 60 years with hair dyed jet black. Now growing grey is a fashion. That is because many women do not want to hide their age."

Social media has been an enabler in considerable ways. Both global and Indian social media is abuzz with older women who don't see age as a barrier to doing what they do, saying what they say and dressing how they dress. The popular Instagram influencer Mrs Verma looks as gorgeous in a strappy gown and stilettoes as in a Punjabi salwar kameez. Ravi Bala Sharma's dance moves could beat any Gen Z's energy. Misguided brickbats happen, but they are down the ladder when weighed against the compliments these women get for turning ageist stereotypes upside down. 

"I'm a 57-year-old woman, and it seems when you go into middle age, you lose your license to show up in a bikini!" Former supermodel Paulina Porizkova says, in a 60 Minutes news segment on women ageing in Hollywood, as she explains why she is needs to be seen in one on her Instagram account.

Dutta says seeing women worldwide knock stereotypes and ageism out of the park is incredible. "It's very inspiring to see what women older than me are doing. It motivates me to work out, stay fit, not conform to anyone else's conservative standards, and look forward to growing older with great visibility."

Agents of Change

What's driving this pushback? Most say it is economics combined with a growing understanding of body positivity and changing attitudes. 

Urban women over 50 are now a significant demographic for businesses and marketers. The concept of body positivity has helped shift attitudes, empowering older women to embrace their natural selves. The entertainment industry is keeping pace to an extent, with older women increasingly cast as interesting, complex characters.

"A lot of the independence driving this change has to do with economic resources, the positive climate for women achievers, encouragement from family and friends, watching their earlier generation of female relatives fade into inconsequence, and many more opportunities to make their voices heard," feels Diwakar.

"Culturally, Indian women are meant to be invisible," she writes in response to our question on the invisibility pushback, "Not anymore. Education and opportunities for the girl child, banishing shame from their vocabularies, flaunting their flaws and voicing their often unheard opinions are helping to coalesce the ghostly outline of an older woman into one of substance, the smarts and success." 

Dutta recently bought her 89-year-old mother a sunshine yellow kurta set from an haute brand. "She has been gathering compliments for it and now only wants a wardrobe of colour!"

We do see hope in that colourful wish. In the many older women who are stepping up and reclaiming their space. In more women talking about their older years honestly, like Zeenat Aman. In more App-Whang Ods on Vogue covers.

Cover image courtesy: Rudy and Peter Skitterians/Pixabay

Image used for representation only

As you grew older, did you ever feel invisible or unseen? Or did you see empathy and understanding? How have you countered ageism and made your voice heard? Share your thoughts with us in the comment box below.